The Ultimate Star Wars: Original Trilogy Drinking Game and Gift Guide

On December 20, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker will conclude not only the Star Wars sequel trilogy that began with The Force Awakens in 2015; but the entire Skywalker Saga that launched back in 1977 with the very first Star Wars film, A New Hope. If you’re like a lot of us Star Battlers, you’ve got a marathon planned before you get your butt cheeks into that theater seat. With eight films spanning around 18 hours in the trilogies alone (not counting the spinoff films Rogue One, Solo, and the universally adored Ewok TV movies and the Christmas Special), you’ve got your work cut out for you.

Let’s face it, an 18-hour marathon is going to be tougher than making the Kessel run in 11.9 parsecs. That’s why we’ve got a little pick-me-up for you in the form of the ultimate Star Wars: Original Trilogy Drinking Game. Plus, we’ve included a little primer on alcohol in the Star Wars Universe and helpful gift guide to stock your liquor cabinet with Star Wars themed party items.

How Alcohol Launched the Star Wars Universe

Alcohol plays a special role in the launch of the Star Wars universe. While most of the film series is a sober meditation on the dangers of space-incest (and, sure, some minor warnings about fascism), the inciting incident of 1977’s Star Wars: A New Hope is way drunker than I first thought. No, wait, here me out

Okay, so first. Luke Skywalker is drunk for quite a bit of the early film. Don’t believe me? Early on, we see Luke and his family pounding a blue milky substance at the dinner table. You thought that was just regular, old bantha milk tinted blue? Surprise! Disney sells blue milk at Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge and it’s just loaded with rum. Luke was lit off his mind on blue-milk rum coolers in the first act.

Explains why he was so horny for a 16-bit hologram, I guess.

Then Luke goes on to meet up with Obi-Wan Kenobi, which probably isn’t great — because it’s well documented that when two alcoholics get together, they only enable each other, and our heroes are about to go into a time of crisis.

Don’t tell me you weren’t aware Obi-Wan Kenobi was an alcoholic? You should’ve seen the signs.

After finding the charred corpses of Luke’s family, Obi-Wan immediately makes an excuse to head to the bar, and we’re gifted with one of the most famous pub scenes in film history — the Mos Eisley Cantina. Obi-Wan gets into a bar fight after like one drink and literally cuts a dudes arm off. Nobody does anything about it, probably because they recognize him as that wild-eyed, drunk, old dude who’s always in here yelling about how he can do space magic.

At least it was easy to get Luke past the bouncers.

Spice Up Your Marathon With These Star Wars Drinking Items

This 650ml borosilicate glass decanter in the shape of a stormtrooper helmet is the perfect centerpiece for your Star Wars marathon. Even if you’re not busting out the big bucks for high-priced whiskey (I mean you’re playing a drinking game to a movie about space-wizards with laser swords after all), a decanter will help take the bite out of cheaper alcohols. Plus, it comes with a 12-month warranty.

These Star Wars themed whiskey glasses from W&P go above and beyond the standard decals of other novelty glasses, and instead have a custom inset Death Star at the bottom. They’re lightweight and the inset Death Star can be removed for easy cleaning.

Open your IPA in 12 parsecs (and tweet at me about how it’s a distance instead of a time or whatever) with this Millenium Falcon bottle opener. It may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts.

That’s not a moon in your cup, it’s a 2.4” icy Death Star thanks to this high-quality, food-grade silicone Death Star ice cube mold. The ice spheres are the perfect size for whiskey, highball, cocktail, and hurricane glasses.

Drinking Game Rules:

While watching any movie in the original Star Wars trilogy, watch out for any of the events on the list below and take a drink when they occur.

To make the game a little easier on yourself, you can divide the drinking events up between the players. If you want to make the game infinitely harder on yourself, you can activate Sudden Death Mode and drink every time a stormtrooper fires a blaster and misses.

Drink Every Time:

  • The Death of Wilhelm: Every time you hear the famous Wilhelm scream.
  • Tough Little Ship: Whenever Han brags about the Millenium Falcon, something on the ship doesn’t work, or someone other than Han makes a disparaging comment about the ship.
  • I’ve Got A Bad Feeling About This: Every time someone has “a bad feeling about this.”
  • Hostile Work Environment Part 1: Every time Vader threatens or uses physical violence against a fellow member of the Imperial fleet.
  • Hostile Work Environment Part 2: Every time Han says something brazenly sexist or sexually aggressive that should probably get him reported to the rebellion’s HR department.
  • Powerful Skywalker Blood: Every time Luke whines or complains about something.
  • To Me, She’s Royalty: Every time Princess Leia insults someone.
  • Rawrrrrgh: Chewbacca makes a Chewbacca noise.
  • Golden God: C3P0 is mean to R2D2.
  • Deus Ex Machina: R2D2 solves an otherwise impossible problem.
  • A Little Beside Myself: Someone loses a limb.
  • It’s True. All of It: Someone uses the force.
  • Not as Clumsy or Random as a Blaster: Someone uses a lightsaber.

Don’t forget there’s more Star Wars available with brand new episodes of the TV series The Mandalorian on Disney+ every Friday.

Kay VanAntwerpen is a musician, journalist, and comedy writer from Grand Rapids, Michigan who writes about politics, breaking the gender binary, and cats. Follow them on twitter (@rainbowdeathclub) and hear music at chasingthesky.bandcamp.com/.

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